Terri Rickerson: "They Were with Me Every Step of the Way"

 

Terri Rickerson and her husband, Curt, have each other and a lot to be thankful for.

 

 

Five years ago, Terri Rickerson was referred to hospice with a month to live. Diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia and a life-threatening, tissue-eating fungus in November 1992, the young wife and mother of twin daughters was told to "go home and be with your family."  That home was Houston.

 

Thinking of her daughters Torey and Taylor, then only two years old, Rickerson turned to M. D. Anderson for help.

 

"M. D. Anderson was my only hope," she says. "Everyone else had given up on me."

 

Faced with a complicated case of treating her leukemia and the fungus (Aspergillus), the medical team accepted her plea for a chance to "live to see my children grow up.

 

"I only wanted a chance," she says. "I couldn't leave my girls. They needed me. I needed them. I told the doctors, 'you do your part, I'll do my part.'"

 

In April 1993, she got her wish and, for nine days, she bravely underwent high-dose chemotherapy. After a day of rest, the weakened but strong-willed Rickerson received a bone marrow transplant from her only sister, Traci, who was "a perfect match."

 

Although the transplant was a success, Rickerson struggled with the debilitating effects of the fungus, which was destroying the cartilage and bone in her nose and around her left eye.

 

"I could barely breathe and my throat began to close," she recalls. "I knew I was near death. I remember telling Momma, who was by my side, that it was time we said our good-byes."

 

Knowing she only had a short time left to live, Rickerson called her pastor. "He told me to go toward the light and that God was calling me home. I remember the light," she says, closing her eyes. "I remember the warmth. I remember asking the Lord to take me from this world and to look after my husband, Curt, and the girls."

 

The next time Rickerson opened her eyes, however, she found herself not in heaven, but in intensive care. "I couldn't believe it. I was still alive. I was given a second chance."

 

Nothing short of a miracle, Rickerson had survived. As she soon discovered, however, dealing with the physical pain, disfigurement caused by the fungus and emotional turmoil that followed would prove to be her next greatest challenges.

 

"I was in a lot of pain," she says, "and emotionally I was a wreck. I had been through so much already, I didn't know if I could make it through another day."

 

What Rickerson didn't realize at the time was that while she lay in intensive care, a support team was readying itself to meet her every need - emotional, spiritual and social. She wasn't going to have to face these challenges alone.

 

Psychiatrists were on stand-by to help Rickerson deal with her fears and anxieties. Chaplains prepared themselves to visit, offering spiritual guidance and support 24 hours a day. Social workers readied themselves to provide counseling, education and assistance with psychosocial issues. And volunteers, many of whom have had cancer themselves, awaited the call to serve as a friend.

 

"Everybody came by," she recalls. "All worked together to help me cope with the struggles of treatment and day-to-day living. They kept me going."

 

According to Dr. Walter F. Baile, chief of the Psychiatry Section in the Department of Neuro-Oncology, cancer patients need a tremendous amount of support to sort through the intense emotions they are feeling. For Rickerson, that meant dealing with her fear of dying, anger for why this was happening to her, the side effects of treatment and the anxiety and uncertainty of what lay ahead.

 

"I was so afraid and overwhelmed," she recalls. "I couldn't cope with anything. It was the leukemia, the Aspergillus, the boluses of antibiotics, the tubes and wires, and struggling with the fact that I couldn't get out of the hospital and see my girls. It was a difficult time."

 

Dr. Baile says "patients may find it difficult or otherwise be reluctant to talk about these issues, but usually when they do discuss them, they feel a tremendous amount of relief."

 

"Patients look for someone they can talk with honestly," adds Dr. Anthony Greisinger, a post-doctoral fellow in the Psychiatry Section. "They really want to have those kinds of conversations. Their stories are sacred and if patients choose to share their stories with you, it's a great privilege. Caring for patients means providing them with opportunities to share their concerns and fears."

 

Rickerson says if it wasn't for the support and counseling she received at M. D. Anderson, as well as the love and help she got from her family, she wouldn't have made it through the hard, dark times.

 

"Everybody was incredibly supportive," she says, gratefully. "They helped me deal with my fears and encouraged me to take things one day at a time."

 

Most importantly, she says, "they helped me realize what a cancer patient goes through and that what I was feeling wasn't anything unusual but, in fact, very normal. I then realized I wasn't alone in my struggles - there were others walking a similar journey as me. That was comforting."

 

As Rickerson found out, cancer not only affects the body, but also everything in patients' lives.

 

"It takes away parts of their lives. It affects their psychological well-being, their sense of who they are, their role in the family, relationships with friends, and their ability to work and to maintain usual activities. All these areas are changed, and these changes can be terrifying," Dr. Greisinger says.

 

"Patients face enormous losses in their lives," Dr. Baile adds, "particularly loss of function, autonomy and identity that may be associated with work and home-life. Often when they return home, they find it difficult to adjust and snap back into their old lives."

 

This was all too true for Rickerson.

 

"After I left the hospital, I had trouble coping," she says. "It was hard knowing that I wasn't a wife or mother anymore. I was the child again. I couldn't take care of my girls or my husband. I wondered if I would have to depend on other people to take care of me and raise my children. I didn't want to live like that.

 

"Often times, I felt my life was worthless. I had no purpose. I was still so sick and tired, and I looked bad. Because of my disfigurement, people didn't recognize me. They remember seeing me a certain way, but I didn't look like that person anymore. That hurt."

 

Despite the heartache, Rickerson never lost her courage to carry on. With her young girls and family as her motivation, she decided to undergo reconstructive surgery to repair the damage caused by the fungus, a process that would take more than 15 surgeries. Not deterred, she was pulled into the fight, knowing her support team at the hospital would be there to help.

 

And they were, she says, "every step of the way!"

 

For Rickerson, it was not only the excellent medical treatment she received from M. D. Anderson that saved her life but also the caring support, counsel and direction she got from an enormous support group of individuals representing psychiatry, chaplaincy, social work and the Anderson Network, an organization of former patients.

 

"Without their help and support," she says, "I don't think I would be here today. They helped me find the strength I needed to survive. I feel blessed to have been touched by so many caring people."

 

For many cancer patients like Rickerson, the support services offered at M. D. Anderson have significantly improved their lives, enabling them to deal with their cancer and carry on.

 

As one of a few cancer centers in the country with a comprehensive psychosocial support program in place, "we recognize that a patient's quality of life is an important part of treating cancer," says Dr. Greisinger, who has interviewed more than 200 patients who are facing the end of their lives.

 

According to Dr. Greisinger, it is now known that when patients' physical, psychological and social concerns are adequately addressed, they typically respond better to treatment, their ability to cope and interact with family and friends improves, and, ultimately, they experience an improved quality of life.

 

While the experience of having cancer can be terrifying, it also can be transforming, as Rickerson and other patients and survivors have discovered.

 

"Some patients choose how they will lead the rest of their lives. Many gain closer relationships, more poignant appreciation of everyday events and a greater sense of purpose," Dr. Greisinger says.

 

As a member of the Anderson Network and a volunteer patient advocate, Rickerson has found her "purpose in life and that is to help other cancer patients cope, giving them hope and inspiration to fight and survive their cancer."

 

Now 32 years old and cancer-free, Rickerson has a new outlook on life.

 

"Instead of just living, I live," she says. "I appreciate the little things in life like watching my girls grow, and going out at night and looking at the stars with my family. I enjoy life much more than ever before."

Return to Fall 97